and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
