I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
