No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Im part way to drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
