she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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