it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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