I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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