Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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