I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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