Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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