Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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