hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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