What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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