The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
