did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The air was thick with penises
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
