TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
