Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
