At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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