she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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