I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
