the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
