I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
