He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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