it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize