C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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