I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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