She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm always down for nudity.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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