conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
