Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
