Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
