Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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