I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
