just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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