We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize