I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize