So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
