Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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