For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
