Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
