do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
