At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
