I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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