The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize