hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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