I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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