Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
