I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I could make wine with my vomit
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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