can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
