Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
