Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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