girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
