Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
