Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
