The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love having hate sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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