So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
