when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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