I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
