He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
