Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
