I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
