I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
