The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
