every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
