I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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