i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
