Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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