i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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