I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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