Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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