That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
