Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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