if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
